He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
