Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
home. puking in laundry basket.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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