Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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