How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Every concussion has its silver lining
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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