This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
