She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize