but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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