I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drake has all the answers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
