Dude my mom stole all your condoms
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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