Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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