in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
