if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
