Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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