is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
