i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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