I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
