You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
