thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
