I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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