I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
