matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
