I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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