Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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