I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
