Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
