I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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