Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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