I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
