Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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