I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
