btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize