moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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