fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
