I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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