Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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