Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
