Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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