You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
