i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize