I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
