Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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