Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
