what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
