I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
