my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
