he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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