I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
