All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
