I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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