Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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