you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
