my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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