If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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