just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
there is glitter all over my balls
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