Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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