I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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