Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize