maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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