Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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