My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
