So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
