I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize