You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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