If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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