I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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