Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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