All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My vagina just recognized that song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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