Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
