just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
