You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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