They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My vagina just clenched in fear
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
