I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
