so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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