i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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