yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
