if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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