dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
