who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
