32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
