I hate all girls vehemently.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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