I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we should paint friendship bongs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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