hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You pole danced in your parka.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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