You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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