we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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