just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
