today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
