I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
