I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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