Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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