Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
