i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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