the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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