Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize