Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
