I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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