Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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