we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
