Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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