I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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