Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
