I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
