I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
