Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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