Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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