You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
