Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
