Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
