I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
