Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
