sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
