When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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