you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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